An Indiana District Calls Trombones "Inappropriate Cargo." My Minivan Agrees.

Any drum. Somebody in Indiana has met a drum.

The middle one chose the trombone in September. He chose it the way men in their twenties choose a first car, for the noise, and he did not consult transport. Transport is me. Transport is a 2014 minivan with three kids' worth of sports bags and a dog bed that cannot be removed without tools.

It could have been worse. Bethel School District in Washington lists trombones among its authorized instruments, subject to its rules on space and safety. Same instrument, two states, two passports.

On a trombone forum, a parent described exactly my week. The older child's flute had fit on a lap. Then a trombone arrived, with a band director who expected practice every night, a bus that said the case was too big for the crowd, and a job that kept the parent from driving both ways. The parent came back later with an update: after the band director stepped in, trombones were allowed on the bus.

Our band director has not stepped in. I have not asked, because I have been busy measuring. The case is 41 inches. The gap between the second-row seats is 39. I have learned to angle it like a canoe through a door, and to shout "SLIDE" when we brake.

Then I found a testimonial on the music department website of Hopkins Middle School in Fremont, California, from a parent whose daughter picked up bass trombone in eighth grade and joined a jazz ensemble that met at 7 a.m. They carpooled with another family. "Yes, no exaggeration required, they were joyful at 7 a.m.," she wrote.

Joyful at 7 a.m. I have never seen anyone in our minivan joyful at 7 a.m., including the dog.

Last week the middle one asked whether he could join jazz band. It rehearses before school. I said yes before I had done the math, which is how the trombone happened too. Appropriate cargo, in my house, is anything that fits between my feet. I would add the middle one to that list, but he no longer does.